OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
