I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
