i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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