i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Found the puke drawer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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