i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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