just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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