I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
porn star boner night. come get it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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