I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
