How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
