Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
