Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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