I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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