I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
