I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
