Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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