I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
