how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
