My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
