i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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