We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
