I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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