A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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