Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
