Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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