i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
