Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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