You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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