I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
