His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
