Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
