Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
