everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
