Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
