Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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