I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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