Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
