woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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