im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
