Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The ass gains better be worth it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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