I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
