I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
