Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
