Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
