He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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