i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
