I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize