How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
