Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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