i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
