He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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