ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's always time for handjobs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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