Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
