Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
