Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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