We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
