I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Enjoy the penises
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
