just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We need to get me chipped asap
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
