Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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