That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
