I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
