I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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