so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
