You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
