we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
