Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
