3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dignity is for republicans.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
