i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
