you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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