Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my being single is dangerous.
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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