I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
