I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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