I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
