He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
