It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
