she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
