remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
