i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
