i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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